also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
