your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
