i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
