at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
