I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm just crazy horny about you
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
