Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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