My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
