the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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