just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
