He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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