sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
