i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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