come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
