Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
