just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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