At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
