I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
