Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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