Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
