I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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