You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
