Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
