Betty ford says i'm here all night
do herpes really smell.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
