Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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