You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
