Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
