I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
