Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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