Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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