I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
