With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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