I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
