Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
