They should really pass out barf bags in church
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
where are you?
Hypothermia
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize