I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
