I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
