never play flip cup with pint glasses
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
