Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
People in love make me want to vomit
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
