4 words: hood of his car
the day after is always just damage control
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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