Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
