shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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