I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
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The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
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FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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