i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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