If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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