God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
