yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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