If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
high people should be assigned attendants
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
