She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
