Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
