I don't think brook has ever known best
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
