Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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