home. puking in laundry basket.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
