So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
