And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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