Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My vagina just recognized that song.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
