I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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