so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
