My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
