I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
