He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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