That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just google imaged poop.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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