I hate all girls vehemently.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
