His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
