This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
