This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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