Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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