What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
