i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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