Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
