I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
