***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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