every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
