Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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