ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
