Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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