Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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