I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
