Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
