just tell him i said nine months
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
