Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
COCAINE IS GR8
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
