k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
