Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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