I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
