Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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