Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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