she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
